Get your LIFE Back 4: Third time’s the charm.
The two stories I’ve told you so far may have given you the wrong impression, but I should say I’m not opposed to the concept of re-kindling a relationship and getting back together with your EX. However, I do think people should be careful about getting addicted to someone else, and they should always make sure they love the person they’re dating, rather than the idea of the person.
With that said, I’ll proceed to tell you the happiest story I know about a couple that really does seem to belong together. A couple that’s made of two people that utterly love each other, and who have been separated 3 times already. But each time they have sorted their differences and resumed their relationship. And I’m quite happy it turned out that way, because Anthony and Rose are the happiest couple I know.
They are now in their forties, Anthony and Rose. I’ve known them since I was a teenager, since they’re both childhood friends of my closest cousin. They have now been dating for maybe 15 years, and they have been separated three times. I clearly remember the first time it happened, it was back in 1998 when I had just got my drivers license. I remember I was ecstatic about that, and I rushed to the café where I used to hang about with my cousin and some of his friends.
Anthony and Rose were usually the disgustingly happy couple that always sat in the middle of the group, but that day something was off. Rose was sitting in another table and she looked like she had been crying; Anthony was nowhere to be seen. My instinct immediately warned me to tone down on my enthusiasm, and within a few minutes I learned the role-model couple that everyone in that circle of friends regarded as frame of reference…. was no longer a couple.
That first time, I think they were separated maybe for a whole week… and apparently they came back together on their own. They were just drawn together again quite naturally, and everyone was happy about that. We had grown so accustomed to watching those two love-birds together, that it really felt weird seeing them part their separate ways. By then, everyone of us believed Anthony and Rose would eventually get married. And they eventually did, but only after they endured certain other tribulations.
The second time they broke up I was out of town finishing my College education. I don’t know the exact details, except for what my cousin told me. Apparently, that time around they broke up because Anthony was messing around with other girls. And apparently, it was my cousin who talked sense into him. What he had with Rose was much more important and beautiful than some casual flings, so after about a month of being separated, Anthony did come back to his senses and he worked hard to re-ignite the relationship. Once again, everything was back to normal.
The third time this Barbie-and-Ken type of couple separated was just two years ago. This time around, it certainly looked they were done with each other for good. They were apart for nearly an entire year, and I’m happy to say this time around it was me who actively worked to get them back together. After spending my entire youth nurturing my ideals of a perfect romance after them (whom I perceived as an ideal couple), I simply couldn’t be still and see them live their miserable separate lives. That would just be wrong.
You may think it’s an overstatement, but they were both absolutely miserable during that whole year they were separated. Anthony got fat and sloppy like a pig, and Rose was starting to get too depressed to go out of her house at all. Fortunately, I was able to talk some sense into them, after several failed attempts. At first, they barely listened to me, but after a while I guess the message started sinking in: they were both fooling themselves assuming they were happy without each other. They weren’t happy and they weren’t fooling anyone else. They were just too stubborn to admit it.
It was just last year, in Anthony’s birthday party. A lot of talking and negotiation had already occurred by then, and I could feel I was making some real break-through. It was time for the final stroke, so I decided I would organize a surprise birthday party. Except the actual surprise was that Rose would be the only person in the party. Of course neither of them knew about it! Well, basically what we did was to close them together in the same room for almost 24 hours. We literally forced them to talk with each other… and you know what? It worked!
Almost a year after that, I’m happy to announce that Anthony and Rose are finally getting married. They were never the kind of people who believe in marriage – they were happy with the idea of just spending their lives together without having and official commitment; but the trials and tribulations they’ve been through changed their minds. They are now getting ready to tie the knot, and Rose just had their first son Alex. Within my close group of friends, we’re all terribly proud of this couple, especially since we all feel we had our part in making them stay together. And if there ever was a picture of happiness… it’s Anthony and Rose.
Sometimes, getting your life back does involve getting your EX back. But that’s something you need to know and feel deep inside. And you need to question whether you want that person back in your life because you’re lonely, or if you want her back because your live won’t be complete without that person. If you’re trying to deal with the pain of a break-up, you need to be honest to yourself before you realize which is the right course of action. Otherwise, you will do nothing but sabotage your own happiness and well-being.
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