Tagged as 'romance'

Get your LIFE back 3: When Stupidity Do Us Part.

The previous post in this series demonstrated how some couples would be better of separated, as opposed to growing addicted to their mutually inflicted misery. This post will tell a story that’s just the opposite: of a guy who grew addicted to his loneliness, and a girl who could never quite get over their separation.

Dave and Deni are  both in their mid-thirties, now. It was about 10 years ago, when they lived what I believe was the happiest time of their lives. That’s the time when they were together, and even though they refuse to admit it, I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen either of them happier, ever since.

I never knew exactly what brought about their breaking up. No one ever did, and sometimes I wonder if even they have a clear notion of the specific reasons that pushed them apart. I just know they were the perfect couple, back then. Or at least as perfect as any couple could get.

They were both the creative types. Dave was studying fine arts, Deni had dropped out of college and she was doing alright as a writer. They met each other in the summer of 1999, and they got married in the first day of the next year. [Read more →]

Maybe you’ve already found prince/princess charming?

Countless people have wasted their lives looking for some kind of perfect love, while allowing for great shots at Love to slip between their numb fingers, their absentmindedness, their barren hearts.

Too many among us have wasted their precious youths waiting for their prince or princess charming: a living carbon copy of all our intimate longings and desires. Well, do you know what? Sometimes it’s better to just let go of such aspirations and start living in reality. In other words, it’s better to stop living in a world of fantasy and choose romantic love for what it’s meant to be: a construction of affection and perseverance.

In itself, Love is an elusive concept – regardless it’s generally very much attainable in a relationship. Perfect Love on the other hand, is absolutely unrealistic and delusional. It’s an imaginary concept, a matter for sigh-ridden romances and heart-warming operas. From fiction to reality much gets lost in translation, and it’s really sad how we sometimes evade something that might blossom into love, while insistently looking for something that would somehow match our inordinate romantic expectations.

Think about it for a moment. What kind of romantic love seems strongest: one that is seemingly innate and fairy-tale like and never took effort or commitment at all, or one that bears the the right fruit of mutual seasoning, respect and tolerance? While in their teenage years, most people will likely choose the former. This is perhaps to blame on immaturity and unrealistic expectations. This perception as love is akin to something that’s ready-made, and calls for no effort at all. Just like picking up your favorite burger and gnawing at it with the ease and delight of unabashed affection.

Well, know what? That’s really no love at all. It’s just gluttony, it’s craving for something that brings immediate albeit shallow satisfaction. And as you might have noticed…. in the realm of satisfaction, “rapid” invariably associates with “fleeting”.

I don’t believe in love at first sight. I do believe in intense chemistry at first sight. Love is a much more complex beast; is something that calls for understanding, mutual knowledge and insight of another soul. Love isn’t something that fulfills our every whim, it’s something that makes us whole. Something that we need, which sometimes is rather opposed to something that we want.

It may seem like an overstatement, but Love is  something that can be glimpsed in many – or maybe all – of our romantic interests, but all the while it’s something that may call for a lifetime of work and commitment before it can be fully observed. Despite the fact that you keep looking, you might have already met your prince or princess charming… several times over, and you probably failed to realize so each time, because you were too busy comparing your expectations to the actual person you were involved with.

Remember this: real love isn’t butterflies and fireworks sparking between two sights: it’s an ugly thing, akin to dreaming about your own entrails getting slowly scattered in the cold moonlight and being intensely afraid that our personal integrity may shatter and dissolve. Being in love can be intensely frightening, because it’s indeed meant to shatter our individual integrity, as to make room for fusion with another human being.

“Forever after” is a lot of time in real world romance, and quite often it’s terrifying to think a romantic affair might last longer. I think we all have a tendency to sabotate our relationships because we’re afraid it might otherwise last forever after. And that would be terrible, because our shot at true love might be just around the corner, right?

Think again, your best shot at true love might just be standing next to you, it might be the girl you’re already dating and thinking about letting go in your search for the One. True love might be standing right next to you, hoping that you’ll just grow up and embrace it.

5 ways to know if that girl is into you!

Since I know there are readers out there who have been out of a relationship for some time now, it’s probably a good idea to go back to basics! I’ve rounded up the top 5 tell-tale signs that a girl in interested in a guy. For some of you this may come as second nature, but for others it may not be as obvious. Either way, make sure to pay close attention to the girl you like, because there are always cues showing it’s ok to go ahead and flirt!

1) How she looks at you.

The eyes are the mirror of the soul. Probably the biggest cliché of them all, but still remarkably true! While trying to figure out if a girl has romantic feelings about you, it’s not just about noticing if she looks at you… it’s more important to watch how she looks at you, and most importantly – how she looks away from you. You want to pay attention to affectionate expressions, as well as a little shyness when you confront her gaze. Those are some of the best visual indicators a girl may be interested in something beyond friendship.

2) Those curiously adventurous hands.

There are many girls who have a habit of touching other people while talking to them. So, just because she pokes you in the arm occasionally, don’t assume it means something. Rather, you should watch for patterns of behavior. For example, does she seem to touch you more frequently than she touches others? Does she employ specific gestures when touching you? Most importantly, does her touch seem to be accompanied by a glitter in her eye, or a warm fuzzy tone in her voice?

3) Standing out from the crowd?

When a girl first starts developing affection towards a guy, she has a special way of making him stand out from a crowd… in the best possible way. Sometimes she will compliment you on something trivial, other times she will point out some of your qualities for no apparent reason. She may tend to keep an eye out for you and talk with you more frequently than anyone else. That’s the kind of behavior that usually indicates that girl is into you.

4) Common courtship ticks.

While wondering whether you’re interested on her, a girl will invariably tend to engage specific ticks without even realizing. Generally speaking, she will be performing small but noticeable gestures such as flicking her hair, moistening her lips or casually adjusting her outfit. If she appears to be doing any of these things too frequently, you can be almost certain that something is going on in her mind and heart.

5) Closely watch her friends.

Most girls tend to confide in their close friends, when their romantic interest is sparked. So rather than focusing on the girl, you also want to look around for outside signs that she might be flirting. If her friends are whispering and smiling while looking at you both, especially if she just approached you casually… rest assured, you’re in for romance! Make sure you enjoy it.

These are some of the most basic indicators of female affection. You may think you got them all figured out, but you probably don’t. Remember, thinking about playing and getting out in the field are entirely different matters. So if you’re looking to score next time your out courting… just stick to the basics, pay close attention to subtle details, and I guarantee your romantic skills will get noticeably sharpened.

7 things you can do today to make her happy!

This is one of those things that we tend to realize only when it’s too late. In a blooming relationship, many people have a natural way of taking their romantic partners for granted. While such thing could be interpreted as a sign of trust, it’s not entirely pleasant for the member of the couple who ends up feeling neglected. And generally, this is one of those things that slowly corrodes a relationship that otherwise might grow into something good.

Absent-mindedness is the kind of trouble that usually sets in when the early relationship rush is through. Also, in my opinion it’s guys who are most prone to get “distracted”, while girls are likeliest to feel as though they no longer feel “appreciated”. If you want to skip over this extremely common relationship blockage, here are some suggestions that you can try right away:

  • Call her up on the phone – If you’re calling her because you want to make arrangements for meeting with her later or ask him about something specific, it doesn’t count. You need to occasionally call her with no other purpose than listing to her voice and express your affection towards her. Just like in the early stages of the relationship, remember?
  • Steal a flower – Buying her flowers is a really nice thing to do, but it reeks of planning. You want to show her that she frequently pops up on your mind, and that the feelings she inspires make you want to live impulsively. Stealing a single flower from a garden (public or otherwise) is a good way of surprising her!
  • Buy her some chocolate – If there’s something that every world enjoys as much as romance, that’s chocolate. That’s way getting her an interesting chocolate is one of the top romantic moves you can make. Just stay away from cheap chocolates or bulk packages. You want to get her a nice chocolate she would normally not get for herself.
  • Do some compliments – Every single woman loves getting compliments, and most guys tend to forget about that when they’ve grown used to a girl’s company. Don’t do that. When you thinks she looks great, tell her – don’t assume she knows that. Likewise, if she got a new dress or hairstyle… tell her how sexy it makes her look.
  • Ask about her day – For most guys, remarking their daily trifles is not terribly important. For most girls, it really is. And it makes a lot of difference whether you’re willing to listen to her daily tidbits; most importantly, it makes a difference if you’re interested. Be interested. Ask her about her day, and make sure you listen to the answer.
  • Offer your help – Come on, let’s face it. Despite living in the XXI century, we all behave like cavemen now and then. I know many guys who never lift a finger to do the dishes, or set the table. Don’t be like that. Try to be supportive of your girlfriend and participate in the household tasks.
  • Say you don’t take her for granted – Sometimes, it doesn’t even take a king gesture or a token of appreciation to show your lady that she still rocks your world. Sometimes, it’s best to just tell her! Talk with her, hold her hand and just say you really don’t take her for granted. Apologize for you occasional absent-mindedness. Sometimes, keeping a girl happy is really as simple as that!

Hack your way into a Woman’s Heart!

So you’re one of those gullible souls who still think the way into a woman’s heart is soft-spoken and paved with chocolates and flowers? You poor thing. With that kind of attitude, I bet you’re not getting much luck in the realms of romance! It’s a brand new world out here in the XXI century, and new measures are called for, when it comes to courtship.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t do some nice things to surprise your woman once in a while. However, all gifts pale in comparison with something modern women always look for in guys: self-confidence. If you don’t believe in yourself, no woman will ever respect you. And without earning a woman’s respect, you won’t ever be able to occupy the spotlight of her affection. So, this is your first priority:

1) Earn the respect of the woman you admire.

You might think this is easier said than done, but it’s actually the other way around. You won’t ever earn a woman’s respect and admiration with just hollow words: not in this day and age. Modern woman are smart, so you must be able to prove that you can walk the walk. Show your woman what  you’re all about! Prove her that you’re a man of fiber.

Ladies love men with a sense of purpose, men who have dreams and are capable of standing up for themselves. If you can demonstrate you’re that kind of guy, you’ll have completed the first major step in your journey towards her undivided attention. Now that you’ve proved you’re resolute, the time has come to really pull the move that makes her head spin:

2) Prove that you’re a flexible modern guy.

Any guy can easily brag and make himself look like the next best thing since bread came sliced. That’s just what guys do, and it’s a part of what women look for in a guy. However, most guys end up coming across as jerks and irritating the women they’re trying to seduce, when using this approach. Why? Simply because they don’t know when to stop.

You should think of confidence as the tool that will allow you to knock at the door in a woman’s heart and put your foot in. Now, if you want the door to open wide as well as the woman’s arms, you need to practice your flexibility. And with that, I mean that you basically need to prove that, despite being  a manly man, you’re by no means some kind of jerk. How do you do such a thing?

Easy. Listen to her, put some effort in getting to know her. Get romantic every once in a while. This is the stage where you want to be doing all the crazy old-fashioned stuff, such as buying her chocolates and stuffed animals. However, be careful not to over do it or you’ll come across as desperate or shallow. Show her that you’re just fine on your own, but all the while hint that you’d be better with her. Having done this, it’s time to move on to the final stage:

3) Surprise her by being utterly honest.

There’s a common pattern in modern women’s perception of men. You can ask some of your lady friends about it, if you want proof; you see, women are so accustomed to being hit on all the time, and being pushed around by all kinds of buckos, that they’ve generally developed a rather common stereotype of men: they think we’re all the same, and they think we’re all liars. And if you think about, they’re not 100% wrong on those hunches!

So, what you need to do in the last part of seduction is to show her that despite being a guy like any other, you’re also different. The best way of doing so is being honest! You’ll be surprised at how wide a woman’s heart can open up, in response to honesty. What you want to do is following the path of least resistance: rather than trying to trick her into believing you’re a different kind of guy… just admit that in some ways, you aren’t. You have manly cravings and thoughts, and that’s just natural!

Running away from your nature is a stupid thing to do. You need to show the woman you like that despite admittedly being somewhat of a jerk, you’re also a good guy. You strive towards doing the right thing, and you’re honest with people because you expect people to be honest with you. You’re the kind of guy who values open communication, and who expects that from other people.

Trust me, if you succeed in showing her that you’re really that kind of guy, her heart will melt quite rapidly, and her love will come pouring all over your quite naturally! Just try it out and find for yourself.