Tagged as 'break up'

Top 5 reasons why relationships fail!

This is all part of learning and growing up. We’ve all lived through the bad relationship cycle. You know how it goes… at first you’re enchanted with your latest hook-up and everything looks wonderful. Then you actually get to meet the other person, and soon enough the magic starts fading. Then one day you just find yourself thinking “what am I doing with this person? We don’t belong together!” – and that’s it! Break-up ensues.

In our fast-paced modern society, most people really don’t put much thought into this… but I really think they should. Learning to establish meaningful relationships (which aren’t just fleeting and/or carnal) is a vital part of growing up. And while it’s easier to assume that all the people we have dated were – in turn – wholly responsible for all the relationship failures we’ve endured, that’s not really a mature way of seeing things, is it?

It takes two persons to make a couple, and it takes to persons to break a couple. If you ever find yourself wondering if you could have acted differently to make your past relationships soar rather than sink, you’re going in the right direction! Here are some of the most common relationship mishaps you should keep an eye out for, when it comes to securing your next relationship:

5 – Lack of mutual respect.

Respect is oftentimes an elusive concept, you know? But nonetheless it’s a very important concept, remarkably so when it comes to relationships. And it’s very easy to assume we respect someone, when in fact we really don’t! If you want to make sure you’re in an actual relationship rather then a random and fleeting debauchery, you need to go at lengths to ensure you actually respect the person you’re dating.

4 – Not enough tolerance.

Sure… when a relationship starts everything is warm and fuzzy, right? But soon enough you’re cast back to reality, as you realize you’re dealing with an actual person with personal ideas and tastes and interests… which more often than not conflict with your own! Getting over such differences is extremely important, and you must learn to tolerate your sweetheart’s shortcomings if you expect her / him to do the same.

3 – Unrealistic expectations.

When starting a new relationship, it’s very easy to fall victim to our own unrealistic expectations. It’s just too easy to assume that person is completely perfect and see her as the next best thing since bread came sliced. Well, don’t do that. No one is perfect, and assuming your sugar-hoots is different will just set you on a course towards disappointment. Remember that you’re dating an actual human being, rather than your idea of a perfect human being.

2 – Mismatched sexual emphasis.

Different people place different importance in sex. Heck, the same person places varying importance on sex, depending on a number of factors. But as human beings we have an ability to adjust, as well as being reasonable. You should use this ability and try to encourage your partner to do the same. Because if one of the members of a couple places too much importance on sex, and the other one too little… well, I don’t have to explain why that’s a recipe for disaster, do I?

1 – Bad communication.

Sex is a wonderful form of communication for a couple… but by no means it’s the only one. Actual communication involves being able to strip down your anxieties and insecurities for the sake of reaching to that premium honey-bunny you’re dating. You can’t have good communication unless you achieve such a thing, much in the same way you can’t have satisfying carnal intercourse wearing a full-blown suit of armor! How’s that for a comparison?

If you’re the type who prefers going for safe over sorry, you should carefully consider whether you’ve been undermining your relationships by neglecting these 5 aspects. Unless of course, you don’t really care whether you’re relationship succeeds? If you don’t, here’s a newsflash: you’ll have to grow up… sooner or later!

How to Have a Breakup Talk

There are two main strategies you can choose for acting out your frustration, when you think something is wrong in your relationship: essentially you can choose being childish or being mature. Both options are at once simple and complicated. For instance, being childish is easier because you won’t have to confront your fears or handle your emotions; this is all about spying, snooping and researching… which is actually more complicated than just sitting down and having a conversation. But when it comes to bottled up feelings, conversing is never really that easy, is it?

I’ve personally gone down the childish route most often (hence this blog), because I’ve found it takes almost super-human strength of character to follow the mature route. The mature route is actually a lot simpler because it merely involves communicating, but it’s also the hardest rout because it takes a certain degree of self-mastery to keep one’s emotions from blowing our sense away, while trying to have THAT conversation. You know, the one where you set your cards on the table and speak your heart out to your spouse – which is in fact what you should have been doing all along.

If you’re feeling insecure and you REALLY want to know whether something is wrong in your relationship, and whether or not your spouse is cheating on you… you really have to confront your fears and just bring yourself to TALK about it. It may sound overly simplistic, but it’s really all about talking it over! Granted, there’s a chance you won’t get an honest answer… but trust me on this one: the more genuinely honest you come across in your exposition, the likelier you are to receive an honest answer.

What sounds more mature?

a) “Honey… I really think something isn’t right, and we should try and talk about it”

or

b) “HOW COULD YOU!?! HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME, YOU $#”%”%!!! “?

There’s not much point in asking your spouse for the truth, if  you’re acting like the truth will make you go berserk, is there? That kind of attitude will just encourage your spouse to further deceive you. What you want to do is take stock of your feelings and put them out on the open with as much delicacy and humility as you possibly can. Just admit what you already know for sure: that something is off. That’s the first step towards re-opening the lines of communication; and you may not realize it yet, but those are the very same lines of communication that brought you together in the first place!

We’re all prone to picturing ourselves as victims of an ignoble fate… but if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realize how you’re always getting what you had coming for you in the first place! In your angry perspective, it may feel as though your spouse has all the blame for wrecking your relationship… but trust me, that’s never how it works in human relationships. It takes two to tango, you know: and likewise it takes two to build up relationship problems. There are always things that your spouse thinks you shouldn’t have done, and others she thinks that you should have. It may not be apparent to you, but if you ask her, she will be quite happy to let you know!

At this point, I suppose you have to choices: give up on your relationship, or do your best effort to save it. If you choose the latter, do your relationship yourself a favor make your best effort to stick to the mature road. Be honest, and most importantly, be humble. Be ready to admit you’re not perfect, and likewise admit you haven’t always been perfect. I think you’ll be surprised how acting mature will encourage your spouse to do the same, while acting childish will just entice your spouse to be childish as well.

Life Healing Divorce Advice

When dealing with a divorce it can be a stressful time in your life, this is why you must carry on and take the steps needed to get back to a normal life, both physically and emotionally. There are some exercises that can be done, to help both males and females when dealing with divorce, follow this divorce advice and you will be pleasantly surprised at the results. Divorce advice can be wrong for someone, but this also means that the same divorce advice can help other people inside of their lives, read over this selection, and see if it can’t help you in your divorce situation.

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