Tagged as 'Relationship Advice'

Why Spying On Your Spouse May Not Be So Wrong

In a perfect world, spying on your spouse would not be wrong. It would be pointless: because in a perfect world, your spouse would not conceivably cheat, lie, or have your best interests at heart.

We live in the real world where human beings are by definition less than perfect, and this reality we live in has millions of shades and hues. Trying to conceive of these moral matters in terms of right and wrong unfortunately doesn’t work.

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Relationship advice: romantic tips.

This is something most adults will realize sooner or later: getting into a relationship is easy enough… but mantaining a relationship, that’s where the real challenge lies. Once the throes of passion subside, it’s very common for a couple to drift together, and things have a way of going sour unless you take regular action to sweeten the deal.

If you lack the imagination to engage a streak of romance naturally, there is no need to feel bad about it… especially since there are strategies you can use to re-kindle the connection to your other half. In case you need some ideas, this post will provide you with some romantic tips that you can rely on. Just try doing some of these things, and you’ll be surprised with how a simple gesture can make a positive impact in your relationship.

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How To Ask Your Girlfriend If She’s Cheating On You

When a guy starts suspecting he’s getting cheated on, the most diverse reactions may ensue: such as spying, inquisition, begging, acting out, pouting or picking bar fights. But stop for a minute there; do you suppose any of those things is the manly and mature thing to do? If so, then you need to check your sense of perspective.

The mature thing to do is if you find yourself in this uncomfortable place is coming out straight and asking your girlfriend if she’s cheating on you. Grab the bull by the horns, rather than beating around the bush, you know? Obviously, it won’t be an easy conversation, and she might try avoiding your question lying… but this isn’t about her – it’s about you doing the right thing, the right way.

Besides, there are some tricks you can use to make sure you get nothing but the truth, or at least get close to it. It’s all about asking the question at the right moment and watching her reaction with more attention than her reply. Here are some guidelines you’ll want to keep in mind while probing for answers. [Read more →]

Dealing with a Jealous Boyfriend or Girlfriend

That ugly, destructive and rampaging green monster:  jealousy in a relationship. While there are certain situations in which a bit of envy can actually be healthy (since it means that person is indeed afraid to lose you), but still… it goes without saying that excessive jealousy in a relationship is not only exhausting, but potentially destructive as well – unless you learn how to deal with it and keep it in check and, of course.

If you’re not sure how to deal with this kind of issue, but you feel that jaundice is indeed a growing problem between you and your romantic partner, this article will provide you with a bit of insight. Remember, you have to watch for signs of jealousy early on… because if you let it evolve into Hulking standards, the green-eyed monster could take hold of your partner, and the ensuing situations will only get more irrational and challenging to deal with.

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Get a Prenup Before Marriage – Relationship Tip #2

A prenup is not always about protecting your money. A prenuptial agreement, or prenup, is a legal agreement entered into by a bride and groom before marriage. If a marriage comes to divorce (2008 statistics say it’s about a coin flip of 40%), a prenup will protect your assets from the person you are divorcing. If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you know I believe that most relationships don’t last forever (just look at the statistics) and that when it comes to divorce… thing’s can get extremely messy. It should not be considered bad to get a prenup and I will explain why and how prenups can be used for more than just protecting your assets.

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Relationship Tip #1 (accessing phone records)

The majority of couples living together or married have their phone service under one account (either because it saves money or its just easier), but what you might not realize is that it is very important that your name is the primary one on the account.

Simply having a phone line on the account will not matter when it comes to ownership – your phone number and call records belong to whoever’s name is on the account and you will need permission from the account holder to even transfer your phone number in the future. By having the account in your name you are insuring that your phone number is 100% yours and that you can access your spouse’s phone records whenever you want. Vice versa, you will also be protecting yourself from your spouse accessing YOUR phone records without your permission.

If your relationship were to ever head to divorce (and we both know divorce statistics are high), proving infidelity can be a huge factor in your favor during divorce court. If you do not have the phone account in your name you will need to file a Motion for Production of Documents with the court and subpoena the phone company for the call logs – not an easy feat. You could also get your spouse to sign a release and hand it to the phone company, but I don’t expect that to happen very often ;).

Get your LIFE Back 4: Third time’s the charm.

The two stories I’ve told you so far may have given you the wrong impression, but I should say I’m not opposed to the concept of re-kindling a relationship and getting back together with your EX. However, I do think people should be careful about getting addicted to someone else, and they should always make sure they love the person they’re dating, rather than the idea of the person.

With that said, I’ll proceed to tell you the happiest story I know about a couple that really does seem to belong together. A couple that’s made of two people that utterly love each other, and who have been separated 3 times already. But each time they have sorted their differences and resumed their relationship. And I’m quite happy it turned out that way, because Anthony and Rose are the happiest couple I know.

They are now in their forties, Anthony and Rose. I’ve known them since I was a teenager, since they’re both childhood friends of my closest cousin. They have now been dating for maybe 15 years, and they have been separated three times. I clearly remember the first time it happened, it was back in 1998 when I had just got my drivers license. I remember I was ecstatic about that, and I rushed to the café where I used to hang about with my cousin and some of his friends.

Anthony and Rose were usually the disgustingly happy couple that always sat in the middle of the group, but that day something was off. [Read more →]

Best 2010 resolution: Be faithful to your own heart.

With the year of 2009 just drawing to an end, most people invariably run around looking for the perfect new year’s eve program. Within such a rampant, bickering rush to squeeze the most enjoyment out of a single evening, most couples fail to acknowledge that which would arguably be most important: reflecting on the past year and setting goals (personal as well as mutual) for the upcoming year.

Sure, many people out there still conform to the traditional new year’s resolutions. Some people decide they’ll be more responsible, others swear they’ll let go of bad habits or excessive body fat. That’s all good, and it’s definitely better than just running around in circles as headless chickens looking after irretrievable fulfillment over a single night. Regardless, those aren’t quite the most important resolutions one should adopt, in the advent of this new year.

My recommendation to 2010 is for you to get in touch with your heart
. Listen to it, be faithful to yourself. Ask yourself: Am I happy with the way I’m headed in my life, in my relationships? Is there something I’m leaving behind? Is there someone I would rather be with? If I’m happy with my spouse, and I putting my very best into this relationship? Am I holding back for no apparent reason? Those are the kind of questions you should really pause to consider, in the last few days of the year.

There are many lessons I hold dear, which I’ve learned from the sequence of years I’ve lived through. But the most important lesson is being faithful to one’s heart. You might have not realized this by now, but humans are exceptional and unceasing liars. We lie all the time to each other, and we lie the most to ourselves. We refuse listening to our hearts, we suppress our feelings for the sake of reason. And more often than not, we end up regretting it.

We indulge relationships that don’t bring us fulfillment. We sacrifice a much needed sense of belonging and harmony for trifle compensations such as a sticking with a beautiful (albeit shallow and insipid) wife, or a wealthy (but unaffectionate and arrogant) husband. We make all the wrong decisions by pursuing all the best motives. And generally we do it because we refuse to listen to the soft insistent voice that tries to warn us from within our own chest.

I don’t mean to propose that we’re all wrong in all relationships. I don’t mean to propose that we’re all inveterate liars. I DO mean to propose that the more we stay in tune with our own hearts, the more we’re faithful to our innermost feelings, the happier we will be in the long run. Further, I mean to propose this is probably the best time of the year to resolve following this kind of resolution, and it’s probably the best kind of resolution one should follow – and also one of the most elusive.

If nothing else, make up your mind to sort out your feelings in 2010. Know yourself, get acquainted with your true desires and emotions, and be unwavering in their pursuit. Quite probably in a year from now you’ll feel more comfortable in your shoes than ever before!

5 non-consummerist ideas for a perfect Christmas gift!

Ah… Christmas. The season of shopping and gluttony, where we all indulge and demand being indulged. While I don’t mean to propose there’s something wrong with giving materialistic presents to the people you love, I have thought of something you can use to greater effect, as a way to add some spice to both Christmas and your relationship.

You may want to offer presents as usual… but when it comes to your spouse or lover, I suggest you throw in some special gifts for a good measure. Just remember, Christmas is all about giving – not getting. If you decide to try some of these gifts make sure you do it wholeheartedly, without expecting for something in return. By doing so, rest assured some Christmas magic will take place, and you’ll be happier than you ever imagined possible.

All of these ideas for – let’s call it – complimentary Christmas gifts are absolutely free. None of them involves spending extra money, but they all involve spending some extra time. If you do it right it’s going to count as quality time, and it will genuinely help strengthen your relationship. If you’re feeling creative, don’t just say you’ll be doing so and so: you should come up with some “personal service” coupons and give them to your other half as a proof you’re serious about doing this.

1) Offer to cook AND do the dishes for the remaining days of the year.
Well, it’s only about a week until the end of the year, right? Even if you really hate cooking and doing the dishes… well, quite likely so does your spouse. Also, taking her to the restaurant doesn’t count. The idea behind this present is showing you’re willing to step up and roll your sleeves, as well as proving you know your way around the kitchen.

2) Give some coupons for extended massage sessions.
Sure, you may reason that you and your lover frequently indulge in mutual massaging. Well, mutual is not what you should aim for with this gift. It’s all about pleasing her, and being willing to neglect your comfort for the sake of hers. Make sure each massage is thorough, and make it last at least one hour. Be professional, make sure you don’t get kinky until you’ve provided a good service.

3) Ask her about her plans for a perfect day/night out.
Do you ever get in those typical affectionate arguments over the perfect plans for a day or night out? Yeah, except for Barbie and Ken there isn’t a couple who doesn’t routinely engage such discussions. Well, this gift calls for putting your preferences aside and just focusing on fulfilling your lover’s every whim and wish for a whole day or night of going out. And don’t just tag along … make sure you enjoy it, or at least pretend you do!

4) Spare a specific amount of service hours.
Print out a bunch of coupons with a big bold “1 hour free service” title and add “valid for anything from running errands to babysitting your cousin’s niece”. Make it real. Tell her you want to make up for all the times you evaded doing a favor for her, or when you were otherwise just feeling too lazy. Also, be a man. Be prepared to honor your word, whenever she gives you one of those coupons back. No excuses!

5) All of the above… and beyond! Nothing says “I love you” like being able to suppress your own whims for the sake of hers. If you really want to impress her, do all of the suggestions I’ve mentioned. Put your heart into it! Take some time to design some colorful service coupons and put them in a fancy envelope. Come up with additional offers you know she’ll like. Make it look like you’ve really put some thought into it, and show how serious you are about giving her some non-materialistic gifts as sign of your affection.

As you’ve probably noticed, the reasoning behind these gifts involves offering your help/support/company with something you’d normally hate doing. But hey, it’s Christmas! Just do your best to keep a happy face while obliging, and remember those are all things you should be doing on a regular basis anyway – that’s if you want to keep your relationship healthy, of course!

Maybe you’ve already found prince/princess charming?

Countless people have wasted their lives looking for some kind of perfect love, while allowing for great shots at Love to slip between their numb fingers, their absentmindedness, their barren hearts.

Too many among us have wasted their precious youths waiting for their prince or princess charming: a living carbon copy of all our intimate longings and desires. Well, do you know what? Sometimes it’s better to just let go of such aspirations and start living in reality. In other words, it’s better to stop living in a world of fantasy and choose romantic love for what it’s meant to be: a construction of affection and perseverance.

In itself, Love is an elusive concept – regardless it’s generally very much attainable in a relationship. Perfect Love on the other hand, is absolutely unrealistic and delusional. It’s an imaginary concept, a matter for sigh-ridden romances and heart-warming operas. From fiction to reality much gets lost in translation, and it’s really sad how we sometimes evade something that might blossom into love, while insistently looking for something that would somehow match our inordinate romantic expectations.

Think about it for a moment. What kind of romantic love seems strongest: one that is seemingly innate and fairy-tale like and never took effort or commitment at all, or one that bears the the right fruit of mutual seasoning, respect and tolerance? While in their teenage years, most people will likely choose the former. This is perhaps to blame on immaturity and unrealistic expectations. This perception as love is akin to something that’s ready-made, and calls for no effort at all. Just like picking up your favorite burger and gnawing at it with the ease and delight of unabashed affection.

Well, know what? That’s really no love at all. It’s just gluttony, it’s craving for something that brings immediate albeit shallow satisfaction. And as you might have noticed…. in the realm of satisfaction, “rapid” invariably associates with “fleeting”.

I don’t believe in love at first sight. I do believe in intense chemistry at first sight. Love is a much more complex beast; is something that calls for understanding, mutual knowledge and insight of another soul. Love isn’t something that fulfills our every whim, it’s something that makes us whole. Something that we need, which sometimes is rather opposed to something that we want.

It may seem like an overstatement, but Love is  something that can be glimpsed in many – or maybe all – of our romantic interests, but all the while it’s something that may call for a lifetime of work and commitment before it can be fully observed. Despite the fact that you keep looking, you might have already met your prince or princess charming… several times over, and you probably failed to realize so each time, because you were too busy comparing your expectations to the actual person you were involved with.

Remember this: real love isn’t butterflies and fireworks sparking between two sights: it’s an ugly thing, akin to dreaming about your own entrails getting slowly scattered in the cold moonlight and being intensely afraid that our personal integrity may shatter and dissolve. Being in love can be intensely frightening, because it’s indeed meant to shatter our individual integrity, as to make room for fusion with another human being.

“Forever after” is a lot of time in real world romance, and quite often it’s terrifying to think a romantic affair might last longer. I think we all have a tendency to sabotate our relationships because we’re afraid it might otherwise last forever after. And that would be terrible, because our shot at true love might be just around the corner, right?

Think again, your best shot at true love might just be standing next to you, it might be the girl you’re already dating and thinking about letting go in your search for the One. True love might be standing right next to you, hoping that you’ll just grow up and embrace it.