Tagged as 'spouse'

7 Legitimate Reasons to Spy on your Spouse

With this blog containing articles on how to hack facebook or myspace, I get a lot of mixed feedback from readers. A few people say “if you don’t trust your partner, don’t be with them” or that invading the privacy of anyone is immoral and low. The thing these people don’t understand is that it’s different when someone accepts a committed relationship with you. You have every right know who they are talking to or what they are doing if you’re in a committed relationship with that person.

If you’re thinking about spying on your spouse you have probably already detected some signs that your spouse may be cheating. Forget morals. Do the ends justify the means? Spying on your spouse can be the right choice for many reasons, and here are 7:

1. The desire to know the truth: Probably for some time you have sensed something is different or questioned the change of behavior in your partner. Perhaps you confronted your cheating husband or cheating wife and it was met with denial. This created a huge dilemma for you because a part of you was screaming, Hey, this doesn’t fit! I don’t believe it! To deny this part of you, which KNOWS the truth, creates a tremendous internal turmoil. Continue reading “7 Legitimate Reasons to Spy on your Spouse” »

Relationship Tip #1 (accessing phone records)

The majority of couples living together or married have their phone service under one account (either because it saves money or its just easier), but what you might not realize is that it is very important that your name is the primary one on the account.

Simply having a phone line on the account will not matter when it comes to ownership – your phone number and call records belong to whoever’s name is on the account and you will need permission from the account holder to even transfer your phone number in the future. By having the account in your name you are insuring that your phone number is 100% yours and that you can access your spouse’s phone records whenever you want. Vice versa, you will also be protecting yourself from your spouse accessing YOUR phone records without your permission.

If your relationship were to ever head to divorce (and we both know divorce statistics are high), proving infidelity can be a huge factor in your favor during divorce court. If you do not have the phone account in your name you will need to file a Motion for Production of Documents with the court and subpoena the phone company for the call logs – not an easy feat. You could also get your spouse to sign a release and hand it to the phone company, but I don’t expect that to happen very often ;).

5 non-consummerist ideas for a perfect Christmas gift!

Ah… Christmas. The season of shopping and gluttony, where we all indulge and demand being indulged. While I don’t mean to propose there’s something wrong with giving materialistic presents to the people you love, I have thought of something you can use to greater effect, as a way to add some spice to both Christmas and your relationship.

You may want to offer presents as usual… but when it comes to your spouse or lover, I suggest you throw in some special gifts for a good measure. Just remember, Christmas is all about giving – not getting. If you decide to try some of these gifts make sure you do it wholeheartedly, without expecting for something in return. By doing so, rest assured some Christmas magic will take place, and you’ll be happier than you ever imagined possible.

All of these ideas for – let’s call it – complimentary Christmas gifts are absolutely free. None of them involves spending extra money, but they all involve spending some extra time. If you do it right it’s going to count as quality time, and it will genuinely help strengthen your relationship. If you’re feeling creative, don’t just say you’ll be doing so and so: you should come up with some “personal service” coupons and give them to your other half as a proof you’re serious about doing this.


1) Offer to cook AND do the dishes for the remaining days of the year.
Well, it’s only about a week until the end of the year, right? Even if you really hate cooking and doing the dishes… well, quite likely so does your spouse. Also, taking her to the restaurant doesn’t count. The idea behind this present is showing you’re willing to step up and roll your sleeves, as well as proving you know your way around the kitchen.

2) Give some coupons for extended massage sessions.
Sure, you may reason that you and your lover frequently indulge in mutual massaging. Well, mutual is not what you should aim for with this gift. It’s all about pleasing her, and being willing to neglect your comfort for the sake of hers. Make sure each massage is thorough, and make it last at least one hour. Be professional, make sure you don’t get kinky until you’ve provided a good service.

3) Ask her about her plans for a perfect day/night out.
Do you ever get in those typical affectionate arguments over the perfect plans for a day or night out? Yeah, except for Barbie and Ken there isn’t a couple who doesn’t routinely engage such discussions. Well, this gift calls for putting your preferences aside and just focusing on fulfilling your lover’s every whim and wish for a whole day or night of going out. And don’t just tag along … make sure you enjoy it, or at least pretend you do!

4) Spare a specific amount of service hours.
Print out a bunch of coupons with a big bold “1 hour free service” title and add “valid for anything from running errands to babysitting your cousin’s niece”. Make it real. Tell her you want to make up for all the times you evaded doing a favor for her, or when you were otherwise just feeling too lazy. Also, be a man. Be prepared to honor your word, whenever she gives you one of those coupons back. No excuses!

5) All of the above… and beyond! Nothing says “I love you” like being able to suppress your own whims for the sake of hers. If you really want to impress her, do all of the suggestions I’ve mentioned. Put your heart into it! Take some time to design some colorful service coupons and put them in a fancy envelope. Come up with additional offers you know she’ll like. Make it look like you’ve really put some thought into it, and show how serious you are about giving her some non-materialistic gifts as sign of your affection.

As you’ve probably noticed, the reasoning behind these gifts involves offering your help/support/company with something you’d normally hate doing. But hey, it’s Christmas! Just do your best to keep a happy face while obliging, and remember those are all things you should be doing on a regular basis anyway – that’s if you want to keep your relationship healthy, of course!

Don’t let your happiness depend on your spouse.

Being part of a meaningful and nurturing steady relationship is probably one of the most satisfying experiences anyone can strive towards as a human being. If you succeed in being part of such a relationship, everything else in your life will fall into place most easily. However, you should remember that every coin has two sides: and if on one side the positive aspects of a relationship can be extremely uplifting, on the other side the negative aspects about it can be terribly nerve-wrecking and soul-shattering.

By no means do I intend to propose that you should avoid getting into a relationship out of fear that something might go wrong and you’ll be left in the dumps. However, you should keep in mind that such thing MIGHT indeed happen – and there are subtle, but crucial shifts in perspective that you can adopt right now, that will not only safeguard your emotional integrity if something goes wrong, but they’ll simultaneously contribute to keeping your relationship from going sour and stale.

The degree to which your happiness depends on your spouse is equivalent to the degree to which you’ll feel miserable if something goes wrong.

If your happiness depends completely on your spouse you will feel absolutely miserable, should anything go wrong with your relationship! To every coin there is a flip-side, and I see too many people suffering unnecessarily because they fail to recognize this principle. Additionally, the more you depend on your loved one to be happy, the most likely you’ll suffocate your relationship quicker than you can utter “Woe, not wow. where have I failed, my precious? Please, PLEASE come back, or I promise I will slit my wrists because I can no longer live without you“.

You really think you’re in love, don’t you? If you do, you should know this: Love should be all about giving, and none about taking. Love is nothing to do with neediness. In a healthy relationship, you’ll feel compelled to support your partner, rather than depend on her/him  to keep you happy. In a healthy relationship, you’ll feel compelled to look after yourself so that your other half doesn’t have to worry about that. In such a relationship, you should feel happy and complete all on your own:

In a healthy relationship you’re not seeing someone out of a need for a affection, but simply because that person naturally makes your love blossom.

If you’re happy on your own and you CHOOSE being with someone else because you’re in love with that person, there’s a much better chance the relationship will thrive. By choosing this route, you’ll be unlikely to fall prey to unabashed jealousy, insecurities, emotional clinging, and a host of negative behaviors which tend to undermine a relationship.

Furthermore, you’ll be able effectively support your spouse and be there for her/him, without having a clouded judgment by your own wants and needs. If you don’t let your happiness depend on your spouse, you’ll have lots of happiness to spare! There’s an old adage that goes in the lines of:

Why do you go from door to door begging for a little joy, when you have a treasure of happiness in your own home?

In terms of a relationship, this gem of wisdom could be articulated as follows: why do you depend on your spouse to make you happy, when you could just get in tune with your inner joy and be able to pour endless happiness upon your relationship? Why do you choose to suffocate your relationship with your measly wants and needs, when you could just as easily nourish it, and be most happy on the long run?

I want you to think about this, and maybe you’ll realize that oftentimes our lack of perspective makes us behave in ways that drastically sabotage our chances of really being happy.

4 Things to Checkup On

Ending a relationship is seldom a pleasant even in one’s life… especially when the relationship’s end is brought about by infidelity. Getting cheated on is probably one of the worst feelings one can experience while in a relationship, and yet it’s actually a feeling that can be most easily avoided. You may get puzzled with this statement but: I’m confident that you already know whether you’re getting cheated on. But before I tell you just what I mean, I’ll indulge your self-imposed doubts by laying out four main strategies that you can use to catch a cheating spouse.

1) Check up on your spouse’s car.

Okay, this is the first thing you want to do if you’re suspicious your spouse might be going on extra-marital activities right behind your back. There’s a number of things you should watch for, while checking up on a car: keep track of the mileage and try to see if your spouse is driving around a lot more than you’d expect. Check the GPS device for suspicious routes. Check the car for anything that might indicate marital foul play. Don’t look for obvious things like a XOXO note with lipstick on it, but focus on everything that looks strange, such as an odd magazine or book you’ve never seen your spouse carrying around.

2) Check up on your spouse’s computer.

If your spouse is cheating on you, there’s a good chance she’s using her personal computer as an instrument of deceit. What you want to do is install a spy software, inspect her Instant Message logs, try to hack into her e-mail accounts. Also… on a short notice, ask her to borrow the computer for a whole day, and try to notice if she looks nervous with the idea of what you may find in there. As you’re about to realize, quite often the best way to catch a cheater merely involves closely watching her reactions.

3) Check up on your spouse’s cell phone.

Similarly with the previous scenario, there are two ways in which you want to spy her cell phone: covertly and openly. For example, when she’s in the shower, take the plunge! Swiftly take her purse and look around her cell phone without her knowing. Also, on a different occasion do the opposite – just ask her to use her cell phone; pretend that yours is broken and tell her that you want to send some text messages to some common friends. Try to notice how she reacts to the idea of you snooping around her SMS mailbox; if she doesn’t seem the least worried, there’s probably not much to spy, anyway.

4) Check up on … yourself! (and be honest).

All the advice I just gave you in catching a cheating spouse are really simplistic and infantile, and I want you to consider how they all actually lean towards a single issue: lack of communication. If you feel compelled to spy your spouse’s car, computer or cell phone, then you likely have a feeling that something is off. If you have such a feeling and you can’t bring yourself to just talk about it and discuss the possibility that not everything is well… more likely than not, you have a problem.

If you’re bold enough to look into your heart: you’ll realize that you already know whether you’re getting cheated on.

Let me clarify something : my definition of “getting cheated on” is broader than you might imagine. As far as I’m concerned, getting cheated on is not what happens when your spouse engages romantic interests with another person. That’s pretty much the far end of cheating avenue, not the beginning; getting cheated on begins when your spouse starts losing interest in you ( for whatever reason), and fails to let you know. Because when communication starts failing in a relationship… that’s exactly when the relationship starts failing as well.