Tagged as 'relationships'

7 Legitimate Reasons to Spy on your Spouse

With this blog containing articles on how to hack facebook or myspace, I get a lot of mixed feedback from readers. A few people say “if you don’t trust your partner, don’t be with them” or that invading the privacy of anyone is immoral and low. The thing these people don’t understand is that it’s different when someone accepts a committed relationship with you. You have every right know who they are talking to or what they are doing if you’re in a committed relationship with that person.

If you’re thinking about spying on your spouse you have probably already detected some signs that your spouse may be cheating. Forget morals. Do the ends justify the means? Spying on your spouse can be the right choice for many reasons, and here are 7:

1. The desire to know the truth: Probably for some time you have sensed something is different or questioned the change of behavior in your partner. Perhaps you confronted your cheating husband or cheating wife and it was met with denial. This created a huge dilemma for you because a part of you was screaming, Hey, this doesn’t fit! I don’t believe it! To deny this part of you, which KNOWS the truth, creates a tremendous internal turmoil. Continue reading “7 Legitimate Reasons to Spy on your Spouse” »

Get your LIFE Back 4: Third time’s the charm.

The two stories I’ve told you so far may have given you the wrong impression, but I should say I’m not opposed to the concept of re-kindling a relationship and getting back together with your EX. However, I do think people should be careful about getting addicted to someone else, and they should always make sure they love the person they’re dating, rather than the idea of the person.

With that said, I’ll proceed to tell you the happiest story I know about a couple that really does seem to belong together. A couple that’s made of two people that utterly love each other, and who have been separated 3 times already. But each time they have sorted their differences and resumed their relationship. And I’m quite happy it turned out that way, because Anthony and Rose are the happiest couple I know.

They are now in their forties, Anthony and Rose. I’ve known them since I was a teenager, since they’re both childhood friends of my closest cousin. They have now been dating for maybe 15 years, and they have been separated three times. I clearly remember the first time it happened, it was back in 1998 when I had just got my drivers license. I remember I was ecstatic about that, and I rushed to the café where I used to hang about with my cousin and some of his friends.

Anthony and Rose were usually the disgustingly happy couple that always sat in the middle of the group, but that day something was off. Continue reading “Get your LIFE Back 4: Third time’s the charm.” »

How to Have a Breakup Talk

There are two main strategies you can choose for acting out your frustration, when you think something is wrong in your relationship: essentially you can choose being childish or being mature. Both options are at once simple and complicated. For instance, being childish is easier because you won’t have to confront your fears or handle your emotions; this is all about spying, snooping and researching… which is actually more complicated than just sitting down and having a conversation. But when it comes to bottled up feelings, conversing is never really that easy, is it?

I’ve personally gone down the childish route most often (hence this blog), because I’ve found it takes almost super-human strength of character to follow the mature route. The mature route is actually a lot simpler because it merely involves communicating, but it’s also the hardest rout because it takes a certain degree of self-mastery to keep one’s emotions from blowing our sense away, while trying to have THAT conversation. You know, the one where you set your cards on the table and speak your heart out to your spouse – which is in fact what you should have been doing all along.

If you’re feeling insecure and you REALLY want to know whether something is wrong in your relationship, and whether or not your spouse is cheating on you… you really have to confront your fears and just bring yourself to TALK about it. It may sound overly simplistic, but it’s really all about talking it over! Granted, there’s a chance you won’t get an honest answer… but trust me on this one: the more genuinely honest you come across in your exposition, the likelier you are to receive an honest answer.

What sounds more mature?

a) “Honey… I really think something isn’t right, and we should try and talk about it”

or

b) “HOW COULD YOU!?! HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME, YOU $#”%”%!!! “?

There’s not much point in asking your spouse for the truth, if  you’re acting like the truth will make you go berserk, is there? That kind of attitude will just encourage your spouse to further deceive you. What you want to do is take stock of your feelings and put them out on the open with as much delicacy and humility as you possibly can. Just admit what you already know for sure: that something is off. That’s the first step towards re-opening the lines of communication; and you may not realize it yet, but those are the very same lines of communication that brought you together in the first place!

We’re all prone to picturing ourselves as victims of an ignoble fate… but if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realize how you’re always getting what you had coming for you in the first place! In your angry perspective, it may feel as though your spouse has all the blame for wrecking your relationship… but trust me, that’s never how it works in human relationships. It takes two to tango, you know: and likewise it takes two to build up relationship problems. There are always things that your spouse thinks you shouldn’t have done, and others she thinks that you should have. It may not be apparent to you, but if you ask her, she will be quite happy to let you know!

At this point, I suppose you have to choices: give up on your relationship, or do your best effort to save it. If you choose the latter, do your relationship yourself a favor make your best effort to stick to the mature road. Be honest, and most importantly, be humble. Be ready to admit you’re not perfect, and likewise admit you haven’t always been perfect. I think you’ll be surprised how acting mature will encourage your spouse to do the same, while acting childish will just entice your spouse to be childish as well.

4 Things to Checkup On

Ending a relationship is seldom a pleasant even in one’s life… especially when the relationship’s end is brought about by infidelity. Getting cheated on is probably one of the worst feelings one can experience while in a relationship, and yet it’s actually a feeling that can be most easily avoided. You may get puzzled with this statement but: I’m confident that you already know whether you’re getting cheated on. But before I tell you just what I mean, I’ll indulge your self-imposed doubts by laying out four main strategies that you can use to catch a cheating spouse.

1) Check up on your spouse’s car.

Okay, this is the first thing you want to do if you’re suspicious your spouse might be going on extra-marital activities right behind your back. There’s a number of things you should watch for, while checking up on a car: keep track of the mileage and try to see if your spouse is driving around a lot more than you’d expect. Check the GPS device for suspicious routes. Check the car for anything that might indicate marital foul play. Don’t look for obvious things like a XOXO note with lipstick on it, but focus on everything that looks strange, such as an odd magazine or book you’ve never seen your spouse carrying around.

2) Check up on your spouse’s computer.

If your spouse is cheating on you, there’s a good chance she’s using her personal computer as an instrument of deceit. What you want to do is install a spy software, inspect her Instant Message logs, try to hack into her e-mail accounts. Also… on a short notice, ask her to borrow the computer for a whole day, and try to notice if she looks nervous with the idea of what you may find in there. As you’re about to realize, quite often the best way to catch a cheater merely involves closely watching her reactions.

3) Check up on your spouse’s cell phone.

Similarly with the previous scenario, there are two ways in which you want to spy her cell phone: covertly and openly. For example, when she’s in the shower, take the plunge! Swiftly take her purse and look around her cell phone without her knowing. Also, on a different occasion do the opposite – just ask her to use her cell phone; pretend that yours is broken and tell her that you want to send some text messages to some common friends. Try to notice how she reacts to the idea of you snooping around her SMS mailbox; if she doesn’t seem the least worried, there’s probably not much to spy, anyway.

4) Check up on … yourself! (and be honest).

All the advice I just gave you in catching a cheating spouse are really simplistic and infantile, and I want you to consider how they all actually lean towards a single issue: lack of communication. If you feel compelled to spy your spouse’s car, computer or cell phone, then you likely have a feeling that something is off. If you have such a feeling and you can’t bring yourself to just talk about it and discuss the possibility that not everything is well… more likely than not, you have a problem.

If you’re bold enough to look into your heart: you’ll realize that you already know whether you’re getting cheated on.

Let me clarify something : my definition of “getting cheated on” is broader than you might imagine. As far as I’m concerned, getting cheated on is not what happens when your spouse engages romantic interests with another person. That’s pretty much the far end of cheating avenue, not the beginning; getting cheated on begins when your spouse starts losing interest in you ( for whatever reason), and fails to let you know. Because when communication starts failing in a relationship… that’s exactly when the relationship starts failing as well.