When a guy starts suspecting he’s getting cheated on, the most diverse reactions may ensue: such as spying, inquisition, begging, acting out, pouting or picking bar fights. But stop for a minute there; do you suppose any of those things is the manly and mature thing to do? If so, then you need to check your sense of perspective.
The mature thing to do is if you find yourself in this uncomfortable place is coming out straight and asking your girlfriend if she’s cheating on you. Grab the bull by the horns, rather than beating around the bush, you know? Obviously, it won’t be an easy conversation, and she might try avoiding your question lying… but this isn’t about her – it’s about you doing the right thing, the right way.
Besides, there are some tricks you can use to make sure you get nothing but the truth, or at least get close to it. It’s all about asking the question at the right moment and watching her reaction with more attention than her reply. Here are some guidelines you’ll want to keep in mind while probing for answers.
Your attitude: as much as possible, you should remain neutral and balanced while posing the question. If you seem angry or if you’re looking miserable, it will increase the odds she’ll try to lie… whether to protect herself or safeguard your feelings. If you’re looking for an honest answer, you should make an honest inquiry. Tell her you feel something is off, and tell her that you just want to know where you’re standing.
Your timing: you don’t want to ask her if she’s cheating on you in the middle of argument, and you don’t really want to come out of the blue and ask it. You want to sit down with her and have a conversation; discuss your relationship, your feelings, mention how you feel something is strange between you, then just tell her that you cannot shake off the feeling that she’s cheating on you. Don’t accuse her, just lay it out on the open.
“Honey, I like you very much, but I have a feeling something is off.
I think you might be cheating on me.”
Her (immediate) reaction: More than listening to her answer, you want to watch carefully to her body language when you drop the question. Look for signs of nervousness such a wriggling hands, or composing her clothes and her repeatedly, or leaning away from you suddenly. Does she seem to be buying time to come with with a convincing lie? If so, then most likely that’s what she’s doing.
Her actual response: Unless she admits to her fault, what she actually replies to your question is of little consequence. How she adjusts her behavior afterwards – that’s where you’ll want to look for a glimpse of truth. Does she seem to change her routine somehow once she knows you’re on to her? Did she get excessively angry, as though she’s trying to scare you into disbelieving? Those are all good signs she may be really up to something.
Remember, there’s no point in getting obsessive that she may be cheating… that will only push you further away from the truth and make you look paranoid. If you want to learn what’s really going on, you just have to make a stand. Show her that you are aware that something is going on, and avoid extremes such as nagging her or berating yourself ceaselessly. The truth will come to those who are ready for it, no less.
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