The previous post in this series demonstrated how some couples would be better of separated, as opposed to growing addicted to their mutually inflicted misery. This post will tell a story that’s just the opposite: of a guy who grew addicted to his loneliness, and a girl who could never quite get over their separation.

Dave and Deni are  both in their mid-thirties, now. It was about 10 years ago, when they lived what I believe was the happiest time of their lives. That’s the time when they were together, and even though they refuse to admit it, I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen either of them happier, ever since.

I never knew exactly what brought about their breaking up. No one ever did, and sometimes I wonder if even they have a clear notion of the specific reasons that pushed them apart. I just know they were the perfect couple, back then. Or at least as perfect as any couple could get.

They were both the creative types. Dave was studying fine arts, Deni had dropped out of college and she was doing alright as a writer. They met each other in the summer of 1999, and they got married in the first day of the next year. [Read more →]

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Have you ever heard the saying “Misery loves Company?” For some people this is remarkably true; in fact, I know a couple who could easily inscribe this age-old adage in their front door. And it would perfectly describe their relationship.

I will refer to these people as Jack and Jill. Not because they would mind seeing their mutual misery exposed online, but simply as a matter of politeness. Jack and Jill have been together for as long as I know them – and they’re childhood friends of my parents’, I’m thirty years old… that will give you a good idea of how long they’ve been together. Practically forever. Definitely for much too long.

Don’t take me wrong, dear reader: I generally nurture a great respect for the sanctity of matrimony, and I deeply admire couples who successfully spend a lifetime together, and who build a mutually positive life project. But not Jack and Jill. I’ve never seem this couple build anything except for intrigue, reprieve and self-loathing.

The first time Jack and Jill broke up (that I remember), I think I was about 7 years old. I remember Jill came over to my parent’s house in a huge distress, crying and moaning as tough [Read more →]

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When a relationship ends, more often than not there’s a person who abandons the relationship – and another person who wishes the relationship wouldn’t have ended. It has been so from the dawn of humanity, and quite likely it will be so for as long as the human race endures. Breaking up is just a natural part of being in a relationship, in the same way that dying is a natural part of living.

If you’ve ever found yourself in a position where you suffered to see your boyfriend or girlfriend get out of your life, you surely have a good idea of what I’m talking about. If you are in such a position right now, maybe you’re reading this article looking for help. That a good thing, and you will get such help – but it may be in the form you expect. You see, in my opinion there are only two ways to escape your present suffering:

1) Deal with it. Accept you’re better off without that person; even though you may be suffering from romantic withdrawal, you should recognize your relationship wasn’t positive. If so, you need to focus on getting your life back.

2) Deal with it. If you can honestly say that your relationship was healthy and promising for both you and your partner, do something about it – but make sure you know what  you’re doing. Learn how to get your ex back.

3) Deal with it, but please do yourself a big favor and avoid making rash decisions and desperate moves. I’m well aware you’re suffering; but before you act, you need to stop and decide on the right course of action.

Ok, so to summarize our topics…. you really need to deal with it. First and foremost, you need to quit evading your pain; it’s there for a reason, and you can learn something from it. You can become a better person once you let your pain change you for the best. Just be honest with yourself, and don’t let yourself go sour on account of your suffering.

The most important thing you need to do right now is figuring out the most appropriate course of action – that’s before you deal with getting your life back. You should notice I’ve written get your LIFE back, not get your EX back. In some cases it will be the same thing, [Read more →]

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With the year of 2009 just drawing to an end, most people invariably run around looking for the perfect new year’s eve program. Within such a rampant, bickering rush to squeeze the most enjoyment out of a single evening, most couples fail to acknowledge that which would arguably be most important: reflecting on the past year and setting goals (personal as well as mutual) for the upcoming year.

Sure, many people out there still conform to the traditional new year’s resolutions. Some people decide they’ll be more responsible, others swear they’ll let go of bad habits or excessive body fat. That’s all good, and it’s definitely better than just running around in circles as headless chickens looking after irretrievable fulfillment over a single night. Regardless, those aren’t quite the most important resolutions one should adopt, in the advent of this new year.

My recommendation to 2010 is for you to get in touch with your heart. Listen to it, be faithful to yourself. Ask yourself: Am I happy with the way I’m headed in my life, in my relationships? Is there something I’m leaving behind? Is there someone I would rather be with? If I’m happy with my spouse, and I putting my very best into this relationship? Am I holding back for no apparent reason? Those are the kind of questions you should really pause to consider, in the last few days of the year.

There are many lessons I hold dear, which I’ve learned from the sequence of years I’ve lived through. But the most important lesson is being faithful to one’s heart. You might have not realized this by now, but humans are exceptional and unceasing liars. We lie all the time to each other, and we lie the most to ourselves. We refuse listening to our hearts, we suppress our feelings for the sake of reason. And more often than not, we end up regretting it.

We indulge relationships that don’t bring us fulfillment. We sacrifice a much needed sense of belonging and harmony for trifle compensations such as a sticking with a beautiful (albeit shallow and insipid) wife, or a wealthy (but unaffectionate and arrogant) husband. We make all the wrong decisions by pursuing all the best motives. And generally we do it because we refuse to listen to the soft insistent voice that tries to warn us from within our own chest.

I don’t mean to propose that we’re all wrong in all relationships. I don’t mean to propose that we’re all inveterate liars. I DO mean to propose that the more we stay in tune with our own hearts, the more we’re faithful to our innermost feelings, the happier we will be in the long run. Further, I mean to propose this is probably the best time of the year to resolve following this kind of resolution, and it’s probably the best kind of resolution one should follow – and also one of the most elusive.

If nothing else, make up your mind to sort out your feelings in 2010. Know yourself, get acquainted with your true desires and emotions, and be unwavering in their pursuit. Quite probably in a year from now you’ll feel more comfortable in your shoes than ever before!

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Ah… Christmas. The season of shopping and gluttony, where we all indulge and demand being indulged. While I don’t mean to propose there’s something wrong with giving materialistic presents to the people you love, I have thought of something you can use to greater effect, as a way to add some spice to both Christmas and your relationship.

You may want to offer presents as usual… but when it comes to your spouse or lover, I suggest you throw in some special gifts for a good measure. Just remember, Christmas is all about giving – not getting. If you decide to try some of these gifts make sure you do it wholeheartedly, without expecting for something in return. By doing so, rest assured some Christmas magic will take place, and you’ll be happier than you ever imagined possible.

All of these ideas for – let’s call it – complimentary Christmas gifts are absolutely free. None of them involves spending extra money, but they all involve spending some extra time. If you do it right it’s going to count as quality time, and it will genuinely help strengthen your relationship. If you’re feeling creative, don’t just say you’ll be doing so and so: you should come up with some “personal service” coupons and give them to your other half as a proof you’re serious about doing this.

1) Offer to cook AND do the dishes for the remaining days of the year. Well, it’s only about a week until the end of the year, right? Even if you really hate cooking and doing the dishes… well, quite likely so does your spouse. Also, taking her to the restaurant doesn’t count. The idea behind this present is showing you’re willing to step up and roll your sleeves, as well as proving you know your way around the kitchen.

2) Give some coupons for extended massage sessions. Sure, you may reason that you and your lover frequently indulge in mutual massaging. Well, mutual is not what you should aim for with this gift. It’s all about pleasing her, and being willing to neglect your comfort for the sake of hers. Make sure each massage is thorough, and make it last at least one hour. Be professional, make sure you don’t get kinky until you’ve provided a good service.

3) Ask her about her plans for a perfect day/night out. Do you ever get in those typical affectionate arguments over the perfect plans for a day or night out? Yeah, except for Barbie and Ken there isn’t a couple who doesn’t routinely engage such discussions. Well, this gift calls for putting your preferences aside and just focusing on fulfilling your lover’s every whim and wish for a whole day or night of going out. And don’t just tag along … make sure you enjoy it, or at least pretend you do!

4) Spare a specific amount of service hours. Print out a bunch of coupons with a big bold “1 hour free service” title and add “valid for anything from running errands to babysitting your cousin’s niece”. Make it real. Tell her you want to make up for all the times you evaded doing a favor for her, or when you were otherwise just feeling too lazy. Also, be a man. Be prepared to honor your word, whenever she gives you one of those coupons back. No excuses!

5) All of the above… and beyond! Nothing says “I love you” like being able to suppress your own whims for the sake of hers. If you really want to impress her, do all of the suggestions I’ve mentioned. Put your heart into it! Take some time to design some colorful service coupons and put them in a fancy envelope. Come up with additional offers you know she’ll like. Make it look like you’ve really put some thought into it, and show how serious you are about giving her some non-materialistic gifts as sign of your affection.

As you’ve probably noticed, the reasoning behind these gifts involves offering your help/support/company with something you’d normally hate doing. But hey, it’s Christmas! Just do your best to keep a happy face while obliging, and remember those are all things you should be doing on a regular basis anyway – that’s if you want to keep your relationship healthy, of course!

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Countless people have wasted their lives looking for some kind of perfect love, while allowing for great shots at Love to slip between their numb fingers, their absentmindedness, their barren hearts.

Too many among us have wasted their precious youths waiting for their prince or princess charming: a living carbon copy of all our intimate longings and desires. Well, do you know what? Sometimes it’s better to just let go of such aspirations and start living in reality. In other words, it’s better to stop living in a world of fantasy and choose romantic love for what it’s meant to be: a construction of affection and perseverance.

In itself, Love is an elusive concept – regardless it’s generally very much attainable in a relationship. Perfect Love on the other hand, is absolutely unrealistic and delusional. It’s an imaginary concept, a matter for sigh-ridden romances and heart-warming operas. From fiction to reality much gets lost in translation, and it’s really sad how we sometimes evade something that might blossom into love, while insistently looking for something that would somehow match our inordinate romantic expectations.

Think about it for a moment. What kind of romantic love seems strongest: one that is seemingly innate and fairy-tale like and never took effort or commitment at all, or one that bears the the right fruit of mutual seasoning, respect and tolerance? While in their teenage years, most people will likely choose the former. This is perhaps to blame on immaturity and unrealistic expectations. This perception as love is akin to something that’s ready-made, and calls for no effort at all. Just like picking up your favorite burger and gnawing at it with the ease and delight of unabashed affection.

Well, know what? That’s really no love at all. It’s just gluttony, it’s craving for something that brings immediate albeit shallow satisfaction. And as you might have noticed…. in the realm of satisfaction, “rapid” invariably associates with “fleeting”.

I don’t believe in love at first sight. I do believe in intense chemistry at first sight. Love is a much more complex beast; is something that calls for understanding, mutual knowledge and insight of another soul. Love isn’t something that fulfills our every whim, it’s something that makes us whole. Something that we need, which sometimes is rather opposed to something that we want.

It may seem like an overstatement, but Love is  something that can be glimpsed in many – or maybe all – of our romantic interests, but all the while it’s something that may call for a lifetime of work and commitment before it can be fully observed. Despite the fact that you keep looking, you might have already met your prince or princess charming… several times over, and you probably failed to realize so each time, because you were too busy comparing your expectations to the actual person you were involved with.

Remember this: real love isn’t butterflies and fireworks sparking between two sights: it’s an ugly thing, akin to dreaming about your own entrails getting slowly scattered in the cold moonlight and being intensely afraid that our personal integrity may shatter and dissolve. Being in love can be intensely frightening, because it’s indeed meant to shatter our individual integrity, as to make room for fusion with another human being.

“Forever after” is a lot of time in real world romance, and quite often it’s terrifying to think a romantic affair might last longer. I think we all have a tendency to sabotate our relationships because we’re afraid it might otherwise last forever after. And that would be terrible, because our shot at true love might be just around the corner, right?

Think again, your best shot at true love might just be standing next to you, it might be the girl you’re already dating and thinking about letting go in your search for the One. True love might be standing right next to you, hoping that you’ll just grow up and embrace it.

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Since I know there are readers out there who have been out of a relationship for some time now, it’s probably a good idea to go back to basics! I’ve rounded up the top 5 tell-tale signs that a girl in interested in a guy. For some of you this may come as second nature, but for others it may not be as obvious. Either way, make sure to pay close attention to the girl you like, because there are always cues showing it’s ok to go ahead and flirt!

1) How she looks at you.

The eyes are the mirror of the soul. Probably the biggest cliché of them all, but still remarkably true! While trying to figure out if a girl has romantic feelings about you, it’s not just about noticing if she looks at you… it’s more important to watch how she looks at you, and most importantly – how she looks away from you. You want to pay attention to affectionate expressions, as well as a little shyness when you confront her gaze. Those are some of the best visual indicators a girl may be interested in something beyond friendship.

2) Those curiously adventurous hands.

There are many girls who have a habit of touching other people while talking to them. So, just because she pokes you in the arm occasionally, don’t assume it means something. Rather, you should watch for patterns of behavior. For example, does she seem to touch you more frequently than she touches others? Does she employ specific gestures when touching you? Most importantly, does her touch seem to be accompanied by a glitter in her eye, or a warm fuzzy tone in her voice?

3) Standing out from the crowd?

When a girl first starts developing affection towards a guy, she has a special way of making him stand out from a crowd… in the best possible way. Sometimes she will compliment you on something trivial, other times she will point out some of your qualities for no apparent reason. She may tend to keep an eye out for you and talk with you more frequently than anyone else. That’s the kind of behavior that usually indicates that girl is into you.

4) Common courtship ticks.

While wondering whether you’re interested on her, a girl will invariably tend to engage specific ticks without even realizing. Generally speaking, she will be performing small but noticeable gestures such as flicking her hair, moistening her lips or casually adjusting her outfit. If she appears to be doing any of these things too frequently, you can be almost certain that something is going on in her mind and heart.

5) Closely watch her friends.

Most girls tend to confide in their close friends, when their romantic interest is sparked. So rather than focusing on the girl, you also want to look around for outside signs that she might be flirting. If her friends are whispering and smiling while looking at you both, especially if she just approached you casually… rest assured, you’re in for romance! Make sure you enjoy it.

These are some of the most basic indicators of female affection. You may think you got them all figured out, but you probably don’t. Remember, thinking about playing and getting out in the field are entirely different matters. So if you’re looking to score next time your out courting… just stick to the basics, pay close attention to subtle details, and I guarantee your romantic skills will get noticeably sharpened.

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This is one of those things that we tend to realize only when it’s too late. In a blooming relationship, many people have a natural way of taking their romantic partners for granted. While such thing could be interpreted as a sign of trust, it’s not entirely pleasant for the member of the couple who ends up feeling neglected. And generally, this is one of those things that slowly corrodes a relationship that otherwise might grow into something good.

Absent-mindedness is the kind of trouble that usually sets in when the early relationship rush is through. Also, in my opinion it’s guys who are most prone to get “distracted”, while girls are likeliest to feel as though they no longer feel “appreciated”. If you want to skip over this extremely common relationship blockage, here are some suggestions that you can try right away:

• Call her up on the phone – If you’re calling her because you want to make arrangements for meeting with her later or ask him about something specific, it doesn’t count. You need to occasionally call her with no other purpose than listing to her voice and express your affection towards her. Just like in the early stages of the relationship, remember?
• Steal a flower - Buying her flowers is a really nice thing to do, but it reeks of planning. You want to show her that she frequently pops up on your mind, and that the feelings she inspires make you want to live impulsively. Stealing a single flower from a garden (public or otherwise) is a good way of surprising her!
• Buy her some chocolate – If there’s something that every world enjoys as much as romance, that’s chocolate. That’s way getting her an interesting chocolate is one of the top romantic moves you can make. Just stay away from cheap chocolates or bulk packages. You want to get her a nice chocolate she would normally not get for herself.
• Do some compliments – Every single woman loves getting compliments, and most guys tend to forget about that when they’ve grown used to a girl’s company. Don’t do that. When you thinks she looks great, tell her – don’t assume she knows that. Likewise, if she got a new dress or hairstyle… tell her how sexy it makes her look.
• Ask about her day – For most guys, remarking their daily trifles is not terribly important. For most girls, it really is. And it makes a lot of difference whether you’re willing to listen to her daily tidbits; most importantly, it makes a difference if you’re interested. Be interested. Ask her about her day, and make sure you listen to the answer.
• Offer your help – Come on, let’s face it. Despite living in the XXI century, we all behave like cavemen now and then. I know many guys who never lift a finger to do the dishes, or set the table. Don’t be like that. Try to be supportive of your girlfriend and participate in the household tasks.
• Say you don’t take her for granted – Sometimes, it doesn’t even take a king gesture or a token of appreciation to show your lady that she still rocks your world. Sometimes, it’s best to just tell her! Talk with her, hold her hand and just say you really don’t take her for granted. Apologize for you occasional absent-mindedness. Sometimes, keeping a girl happy is really as simple as that!

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We should face it: our so-called modern society still enforces quite an infantile view of sex and relationships. Likewise, most of us are compelled to keep drawing lines between right and wrong, when sometimes it simply isn’t possible to make such clear-cut distinctions. Human behavior is a complex and multi-layered phenomenon, and we should keep ourselves from rationalizing too much, as well as over simplifying. Otherwise, we’ll just end up confusing ourselves and wallowing in unnecessary suffering.

For example, when a man engages a sexual encounter with another person besides his spouse, he’s committing adultery – right? So, this man is a big horrible cheater and his wife is an unfortunate victim, isn’t that so? Well, not necessarily. Not in my book, at least. First and foremost, we should remember that a couple is a essentially combination of two separate wills. For this reason, I believe it’s inaccurate to lay the blame for something on just one of the members of the couple.

Besides, we should remember that sex is something we do with our body, whereas marriage and love is something that calls for the whole of our being: of which sex is only a tiny fraction. [Read more →]

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So you’re one of those gullible souls who still think the way into a woman’s heart is soft-spoken and paved with chocolates and flowers? You poor thing. With that kind of attitude, I bet you’re not getting much luck in the realms of romance! It’s a brand new world out here in the XXI century, and new measures are called for, when it comes to courtship.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t do some nice things to surprise your woman once in a while. However, all gifts pale in comparison with something modern women always look for in guys: self-confidence. If you don’t believe in yourself, no woman will ever respect you. And without earning a woman’s respect, you won’t ever be able to occupy the spotlight of her affection. So, this is your first priority:

1) Earn the respect of the woman you admire.

You might think this is easier said than done, but it’s actually the other way around. You won’t ever earn a woman’s respect and admiration with just hollow words: not in this day and age. Modern woman are smart, so you must be able to prove that you can walk the walk. Show your woman what  you’re all about! Prove her that you’re a man of fiber.

Ladies love men with a sense of purpose, men who have dreams and are capable of standing up for themselves. If you can demonstrate you’re that kind of guy, you’ll have completed the first major step in your journey towards her undivided attention. Now that you’ve proved you’re resolute, the time has come to really pull the move that makes her head spin:

2) Prove that you’re a flexible modern guy.

Any guy can easily brag and make himself look like the next best thing since bread came sliced. That’s just what guys do, and it’s a part of what women look for in a guy. However, most guys end up coming across as jerks and irritating the women they’re trying to seduce, when using this approach. Why? Simply because they don’t know when to stop.

You should think of confidence as the tool that will allow you to knock at the door in a woman’s heart and put your foot in. Now, if you want the door to open wide as well as the woman’s arms, you need to practice your flexibility. And with that, I mean that you basically need to prove that, despite being  a manly man, you’re by no means some kind of jerk. How do you do such a thing?

Easy. Listen to her, put some effort in getting to know her. Get romantic every once in a while. This is the stage where you want to be doing all the crazy old-fashioned stuff, such as buying her chocolates and stuffed animals. However, be careful not to over do it or you’ll come across as desperate or shallow. Show her that you’re just fine on your own, but all the while hint that you’d be better with her. Having done this, it’s time to move on to the final stage:

3) Surprise her by being utterly honest.

There’s a common pattern in modern women’s perception of men. You can ask some of your lady friends about it, if you want proof; you see, women are so accustomed to being hit on all the time, and being pushed around by all kinds of buckos, that they’ve generally developed a rather common stereotype of men: they think we’re all the same, and they think we’re all liars. And if you think about, they’re not 100% wrong on those hunches!

So, what you need to do in the last part of seduction is to show her that despite being a guy like any other, you’re also different. The best way of doing so is being honest! You’ll be surprised at how wide a woman’s heart can open up, in response to honesty. What you want to do is following the path of least resistance: rather than trying to trick her into believing you’re a different kind of guy… just admit that in some ways, you aren’t. You have manly cravings and thoughts, and that’s just natural!

Running away from your nature is a stupid thing to do. You need to show the woman you like that despite admittedly being somewhat of a jerk, you’re also a good guy. You strive towards doing the right thing, and you’re honest with people because you expect people to be honest with you. You’re the kind of guy who values open communication, and who expects that from other people.

Trust me, if you succeed in showing her that you’re really that kind of guy, her heart will melt quite rapidly, and her love will come pouring all over your quite naturally! Just try it out and find for yourself.

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